Carly Simon got it wrong.
She wrote a terrific song which became a popular standard, "I Haven't Got Time for the Pain." Au contraire. Today, we need to make time for the pain with which we are all confronting: Global Warming constantly in our faces; a horrific unnecessary war in Ukraine; assholes on the streets and on public transportation knifing and shoving riders onto the tracks, daily; a virus that just won't go away but keeps morphing; loneliness at epidemic levels; earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods. (Do you need any more examples?)
What do I do about all that? What can YOU do about all that? I’m always looking for answers, my want. One option is to ignore it all, ostrich like head-in-sand, but I suspect that would take a talent I don't have. As a young person, I once shared with a psychiatrist, "I'm constantly bumping into reality." He thought that was funny. I didn't. I wanted (and still demand) solutions and got few. I asked for my money back.
If you object to any of the above, I'm going to trot out one of my favorite book titles, What You Think of Me is None of My Business, by new-thought author-minister, Terry Cole-Whittaker. Oh, and I’m saving the sex for last and please don’t peek.
SCORE NUMBER ONE TO SETTLE WITH Newsweek, "GOD'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!”
In the early 2000’s, I began writing an article on ''that humble coin," the penny. I included my experiences of the cent: things my friends said to me; what my mother thought of it; and my New York City observations. The draft became long and detailed.
I sent it to The New York Times and suddenly, the Gray Lady published their own article on the subject. (I kid you not.)
I next passed it on to Newsweek. They turned it down. I continued to noodle with the subject off and on for years.
Finally, I sent it back to Newsweek. Lo, behold, and hold the phone, Newsweek accepted the draft. I was assigned to work with a young woman editor there. The article landed in print in color on April 7, 2008 — a full page — in what they called the MY TURN column featuring a bold by-line and my photograph looking a tad fat. I was busting my vest, in both senses of the word. Though the end-product now became more about my mother and the penny (mom loved finding pennies), I championed that. See "In Praise of a Humble Coin,” Newsweek, April 7, 2008.
This was a big win. I had some songwriting credits and a few minor articles, but to me this was big-time. I made thousands of photocopies and passed them on to anyone who would take one.
I used to love that magazine. But no more. And I suspect I’m not alone. Perhaps they’ve fallen into disfavor because of that aforementioned bad karma, bad blood, and bad business. I still read Time magazine weekly. Ha, ha!
Recently, I went online to make a fresh copy. Hi-ho, shut my mouth, don’t tell me, someone at Newsweek who had apparently taken a dislike to me left the work intact for anyone to see — without my likeness and name. I wrote to Newsweek editors. They ignored my letter. Bad business, bad karma, and bad blood. Evil eye on them.
I used to love that magazine. But no more. And I suspect I’m not alone. Perhaps they’ve fallen into disfavor because of that aforementioned bad karma, bad blood, and bad business. I still read Time magazine weekly. Ha, ha!
I'd like to locate the nice young woman editor I worked with to thank her but can't remember her name — and also, I want to find the eliminator and pass on a few choice words to the old battle-axe who removed my particulars. As Maud used to say, "God'll get you for that." Who’s Maud? Too complicated to explain. Look up Bea Arthur.
Who Moved Cheese? Along about now, I can't resist including another of my favorite book titles, Who Moved My Cheese?, a parable by Spencer Johnson on how to change yourself by practicing a list of his practical principles. Newsweek moved my ham and my cheese, took the wind out of dinner, and left an aftertaste in my mouth. Should I take Robert F. Kennedy’s advice? I read where Robert F. Kennedy (Sr.) said, “Don’t get angry, get even.” I’m not good at that but I’m open which brings me to my next rant. But first…
ENEMIES AT THE GATE AND IN THE BACKYARD
NEXT! Despite what you might think of television evangelist, minister Joel Osteen, sometimes he has useful thoughts, ideas, quotes, and sensible suggestions. Plus, I’m invariably impressed on how articulate he is on his feet during the television show without notes or cue cards. (I must confess I rarely watch him for very long, though I read his books.)
In one of his recent outings, I was, to put it mildly, stunned. I was brought up a Catholic child in a religious household, Mass every Sunday, and an obligation to attend Catechism Class in the summertime while, I assumed, my Protestant friends were out playing. I was being trained to be a nice person. Which brings me to Joel Osteen.
As it turns out, Osteen has another choice title I like, Next Level Thinking. Now tell me who wouldn’t like to get to next level smarter, more productive thinker. (Well, I would.) To continue, I was shocked by one of his concepts that just might reveal how truly naïve I sometimes am. Guilty! What’s more, Osteen uses scripture to support a theory.
Here goes. Let me whine for a minute, I was raised to be a fine Catholic boy, a good neighbor, a good citizen, a good friend. I had an occasional disagreement with a buddy; and fought continually with my brothers and sisters. But I never considered I might have (gulp) an “enemy.” Back then enemies were The Soviet Union (Russia), Polio and Ringworm. I wasn’t perfect…not a goody-two-shoes, yet maybe a wuss. Contradiction: Mom liked for us (four) boys to be “a little bit ornery,” as she put it. Yet, I couldn’t even grasp the concept of “crime.” I could never understand how anyone would extract pleasure, ill-gotten gain, from someone else’s ill-obtained loss. Which brings me to…
A TV evangelist preaches that you should STEP on your enemies!
“Notice, not SOME of my Enemies. ALL of my enemies. What am I going to do? Look down, why? Because they’re under my feet.”…“Stay on the high road, and God will bring it under your feet. He’ll make those enemies your footstool.”
In his book and online lecture, Joel Osteen suggests a person create an imaginary “footstool,” with your enemy’s name listed underneath. Huh?
Friends, Romans, Country-cousins, and Enemies, this is serious stuff. It’s included in Osteen’s book, Next Level Thinking, and get this, the concept appears, for the in a five-page online lecture called “It’s Under Your Feet.” To me, this is not nice stuff!
Osteen's own words, “Notice, not SOME of my Enemies. ALL of my enemies. What am I going to do? Look down, why? Because they’re under my feet.”…“Stay on the high road, and God will bring it under your feet. He’ll make those enemies your footstool.” … “The enemy is not at your level.” “…if you want to say something to the enemy, write it on the bottom of your shoe because he’s under your feet.”
Reader, after I cooled down a bit, I re-read the sermon and saw how Osteen used the concept in a broader sense. He said, “Start looking down at cancer.” That’s a bit better …“Remember, when you talk to that sickness, that obstacle, that depression,” he added, “as an act of faith, do like David and look down. It’s no match for you, and if you will see these obstacles as being under your feet, God promises he’ll make your enemies your footstool. … It’ll be a steppingstone; nothing will keep you from your destiny. You will overcome every obstacle, defeat every enemy.” …“That enemy, that sickness, that obstacle, it is under your feet”. OK, OK, OK, I’m almost convinced.
Then I had a superb idea: to devise an actual footstool!
ENTERPRISING ENTREPRENEUR ALERT:
Create an actual footstool and scribble the words on it:
FOOTSTOOL
ENEMIES BENEATH…
…and underneath this real footstool, devise a slot for 3x5 cards with your enemies’ names on them. Like “cancer” or “Mr. Joe Blow”, or alcoholism.
I noticed Osteen had his own back… and to be fair about all this, here is the scripture the wise minister quoted:
“You have armed me with strength for the battle. You have put my enemies under my feet,” Samuel 22:40.
“God has put all things under our feet,” 1 Corinthians 15.
“God will make your enemies your footstool,” Psalm 110.
It’s time to turn the page and change the tone.
BOOKS, BOOK, BOOKS
Best-selling author R.J. Palacio (Wonder, Pony, and White Bird†) surprised me by sharing that the best book she’d ever received was Antoine De Saint-Exupery’s The Little Prince, publisher Harcourt, Brace & World. The late pop singer Margaret Whiting gifted me a copy of the children’s classic back in July 1974. Later, I will pass on my favorite passage from The Little Prince that never left me. But first…
Korean author Angie Kim (“Happiness Falls”) found The Little Fellow her inspiration in writing a book. As a child in Seoul, Kim first encountered the story and read the classic in Korean. Later, in high school, while studying French, a copy surfaced and Angie savored the little guy in French. A third time, in English, she was in law school, and got called on to be a bridesmaid and was asked to read a scene "taming the fox" from the book. Ms. Kim now became more intrigued by the questions the little boy asked—an example, what we believe in our heart and the childlike approach of suspending disbelief. Angie was led by that fragment in the story that found its way into her epigraph: one sits down on a desert sand dune, seeing nothing, hearing nothing. Yet through the silence sometime throbs and gleams. “What makes the desert beautiful?” … the Little Prince, “is that somewhere it hides a well.” Those thoughts she she shares in her book, Happiness Falls, she adds, “you have to look for them.”
And now, honestly, a coincidence: MY favorite passage from The Little Princes is also when The Prince encounters The Fox Character. Here’s the fragment, The Fox said to the little guy on their becoming friends:
“It would have been better to come back at the same hour,” said the fox. If, for example, you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, then at three o’clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o’clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you… One must observe the proper rites…”
from Pages 67 and 68. On Page 69, the author includes his full page color drawing which appears with this caption:
“If you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, then by three o’clock I shall begin to be happy.”
Confession time, I have photocopied that illustration on thick paper and made a greeting card out of it. I pray Antoine De Saint-Exupery and The Little Prince, publisher, Harcourt, Brace & World, doesn’t sue me. You think that’s all? While pulling all this together, on September 29, 2023, the New York Times did a lengthy article titled, “Strengthening the French Connection,” with a bold subhead naming “the Little Prince” and included a color photograph of a statue of the little guy by sculptor Jean-Marc de Pas in front of the Villa Albertine* on New York’s Fifth Avenue. Spooky? Or are we all connected to a Universal Consciousness? A possibility.
†Footnote One: R.J. Palacio’s “White Bird: A Wonder Story, A Graphic Novel,” is soon to be a feature film starring Helen Mirren.
*Footnote Two: FYI, Villa Albertine is at Payne Whitney Mansion, 975 Fifth Avenue.
NEW FRIENDS – TIME WORN CONCEPT
I recently introduced a dog walker-trainer to a high-powered executive who needed help with his unruly new puppy. After the two gents got together and worked out an arrangement, the big guy said to me — joking or serious, unsure — “your friend owes you some kickback.” I was startled by the suggestion that the exec would think I’d expect “kickback.” It’s a concept I don’t understand. I enjoy introducing people to other people—sometimes folks in the same line of work who don’t yet know one another and might jibe. I find it rewarding and as the song goes “that’s what friends are for.”
Which brings me to … David Brooks. If you’ve read me before, you know New York Times columnist David Brooks is my favorite writer. One of his recent columns began with two provocative questions: “Are Human beings fundamentally good or fundamentally bad? Are people mostly generous, or are they mostly selfish?” (There is only so much I can extract for you from Brooks without being dubbed a plagiarist.)
“…public thinkers have vastly underestimated the importance of the moral and social motivations woven into human nature. We tip at restaurants we’ll never t return to. We leap to help one another during natural disasters. We yearn not only to be admired but also to be worthy of admiration.”
In his mouthful of a book, “The Penguin and the Leviathan: The Triumph or Cooperation over Self-Interest,” (Publisher, Currency), Harvard expert Yochai Benkler found “…in any given experiment, about 30 percent of the people do, indeed, behave selfishly.” He continued, but “fully half of all people systematically, significantly and predictably behave cooperatively.” Author Benkler went on with this wrap, “In practically no human society examined under controlled conditions have the majority of people consistently behaved selfishly.”
Now, let’s reach way, way back for a moment. My inspiration David Brooks evoked the 1925, classic: 225-page, French essay, “The Gift: Forms and Functions of Exchange in Archaic Societies by sociologist Marcel Mauss, (later translated into English) “…many cultures do not make the stark distinction between gifts and transactions. …people see themselves embedded in a network of material, social and spiritual care. People give one another a hand; they lend one another an ear; they borrow and lend. They see these exchanges not as cold, zero-sum transaction but as on-going supportive and reciprocal relationships.” All that smacks of answer to Brooks’ questions to me from 1925. What’s more, I’d like to add, after reading columnist Brooks, I invariably feel somewhat changed.
COLLEGE MAN? SHELTERED BOY GROWING UP – NO FRIENDS DOWN THERE
When it was time for me to go to college, I chose to enroll at The University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida, not a wise choice, but that’s another story. (A cousin had a sister there and we chose it together. I went on early to get work. He didn’t show up.)
I had spent 18 years in Clarksburg, West Virginia, with my close-knit Italian family, and was suddenly thrust into bustling, cosmopolitan Miami, Florida. I had to grow up fast. I was thrown in with people from all over the world as well as a hefty number of New York City transplants.
I signed up for a full school schedule, carefully choosing mornings three days a week. I could then work afternoons and evening as well the other days off — not just working, toiling at a giant supermarket at the edge of the University campus called Stevens Market. I scheduled some days ten hours a day and showed up on my days off and weekends. At the grocery store, there were a roster of retired New Yorkers which became an even bigger part of my education.
If you find this all hard to believe, at this time in my life, so do I. How in God’s name, grace, and blessing did I do it?
May I throw in here, I hitchhiked from place to place. If you find this all hard to believe, at this time in my life, so do I. How in God’s name, grace, and blessing did I do it?
I met other students from everywhere on the planet, took a full class schedule — seminars I was hardly prepared for — and worked sometimes 60 hours a week. So, we can assume, in every area, I had to grow up fast.
In retrospect, the most fascinating of it all was the language, the new words I heard on campus and the grocery store workplace. Yiddish.
Let me cut to the wrap lest you misunderstand. I absorbed these new words with fascination and always asked for their meaning. Fast forward, years later as a New York writer I was able to integrate, in my creative efforts, the colorful words I learned, adding, for novices, their definitions in italics.
In closing this section, I’d like to point out a New York Times article on that very subject, “Yiddish Is Having a Moment,” September 2, 2023, by Rachel Levit Ruiz. Pleasant coincidence.
I LOVE MY NUTS – FASCINATING FOLKLORE
I might have stumbled onto an insight into the nature of flourishing life itself — in a pecan orchard! From a well-pulled-together book I was digesting for the second time “Life Worth Living: A Guide to What Matters Most.” The book excerpts Native American Robin Wall Kimmerer's account of the communal life of her nation — the Potawatomi — in which Ms. Kimmerer tells of a “long and winding relationship between her tribe and the various types of pigan” the book states, “an insight into the nature of flourishing life itself.”
Kimmerer’s fragment goes like this “…from Lake Michigan to Kansas to Oklahoma,” the Nut Trees are prolific, “but do not yield a crop every year.” Rather, the pecan is produced at unpredictable yet precisely coordinated intervals… entire groves of them — complete species of pecans across hundreds of miles.” For years, at first, not producing any nuts — then suddenly the pecan trees drop an extraordinary yield, all in one season. Kimmerer had my attention.
Modern science does not or cannot explain scientifically how the trees coordinate this unexplained process, as the author called the erratic nature, “behavior.” Some experts have speculated the answer lies somewhere in the fungal networks that connect trees to one another. What?
However, she writes, the unpredictable cycles… “do produce enough in consecutive boom years “for animal populations to swell. …At a sustainable level…”
Metaphor Alert … It’s an “Insight into the nature of flourishing life itself…” When pecans produce bumper crops, it becomes a joyful delight for human beings and other animal species who come across them. “Pecans flourishing and humans and animals flourish together...” as the book states, which prompted Ms. Kimmerer to call her book, I repeat, The Lessons of the Pecans — and some savvy Yale professors to include the offshoot in their lectures.
What’s more, at those times when there is an unexpected bumper crop, the Potawatomi Naïve Americans begin to party… celebrating life. “Human life. All life…Life extending beyond the human, knitting the people and the trees, animals, and geographies together into an extended network of mutual nourishment.”
Life Worth Living was written by Yale University professors Miroslav Volf, Matthew Croasmun, & Ryan McAnnally-Linz and published by Maria Shriver’s Open Field. The vignette I responded to was used in the book that was actual content from a Yale class taught by the trio.
What I long for is some expert to flesh out the would-be fascinating tale and give me an accurate, detailed, thought provoking, clearer story of the pecan phenomena. There’s just not enough information on the pecan legend/fable included in an otherwise detailed outing by the professors or online. I would love more information, the whole story.
FASCINATING—ONE HOPES—TIDBITS:
INVALUABLE HINT FROM “THE TWELVE STEP” PROGRAM
One of the suggestions from the Twelve Steps is DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING. When you feel jammed, confused, out of sorts, stymied, AA-ers say: DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING. Now, even if you don’t know or even. actually do the next right thing (how does one know?) the fact that you stop and thought of what you have in front of you or might need to do — is invaluable advice. Usually, you select an action that gets you going and are catapulted out of the rut — right one or not.
HAPPINESS EXAMINED IN FINLAND, THE COUNTRY RANKED NUMBER ONE IN THAT ELUSIVE FEELING FOR THE SIXTH YEAR IN A ROW
“Happiness is a skill that can be learned and shared rather than some sort of mystic state,” shares Finnish Happiness Coach Heli Jimenez. “There are themes: nature and lifestyle; health and balance; design and every day; and food and well-being.” That’s it? Do you get a different feeling that there’s more than meets the ear here?
BEST NATIONS TO LIVE IN
Is it OK with you that I’m annoyed at the U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORT. The revered periodical ranked the United States at Number Five as the best nation to live in. (In years back, we were Number 4.) Topping the list since 2017, Switzerland. Followed by Canada, Sweden and Australia. Next, Japan, Germany, New Zealand, U.K., and the Netherlands. France and Denmark dropped three spots, landing them at 12 and 13. Alas, the U.S. is still seen as leading the world in entrepreneurship Number Three in cultural influence. Phew. Better than nothing, but come on…Fifth Place?
FURTHER PISSING ME OFF … BEST CITY? BEST STATE?
A group of “experts” – “Betway.com” claims N.Y.C. is Number Two, behind Portland, Ore. As best city in this hemisphere. We’re the cultural capital with internationally recognized institutions and scores of world-renowned landmarks — now second-rate? Trailing behind in dystopian crime, rising homelessness, constant violence, niche appeal and the most overrated tourist attraction in the world. The “Betway-ers” named “diversity” as well as any city’s available nightlife, art scene, and “commitment to sustainability” and has named Portland, Oregon, the coolest city in North American, easing out New York City with higher scores in vegan restaurants and those words again, “commitment to sustainability."
Oh, thanks. My question is, where in the hell will you go if you leave? Portland?
Specifically, Portland has 110 record stores, 188 microbreweries, 301 Tattoo studios, 864 Vegan restaurants and 85 thrift stores — making it superior to New York City. Verified by “Time Out Magazine,” we have 99 record stores, 91 microbreweries, 388 tattoo parlors, 1049 vegan/vegetarian restaurants and 112 thrift stores.
Rounding out the top five, after hot Portland and NYC are: Los Angeles, 3rd; Seattle; 4th; Canada’s Toronto, in fifth place.
NEW YORK STATE: More than half of New York’s registered voters say New York State is headed in the wrong direction. The reasons: Eighty percent demand term limits for the governor and legislature. We’re told 40% are thinking of leaving; 71% of those live in the Bronx. Why? Crime and public safety are the most pressing issues. At least, 35% think we can fix it all. Oh, thanks. My question is, where in the hell will you go if you leave? Portland?
THE LATEST – AN UPDATE ON SEX
A survey “OnePoll, Inc,” conducted for Lelo sex toy company, revealed a whopping 49% of Americans in serious relationships admitted to frequently fantasizing about someone other than their partner while engaged in the act…. Not so surprising, huh? “OnePoll, Inc.” surveyed 2000 sexually active adults and says, “…if you haven’t been happy in your relationship for a while and you almost need to let your mind wander in order to climax, then perhaps it’s time to step back.” More from the poll takers, “61% of bedmates said they sometimes have sex because their partner wants to, even if they’re not in the mood — 71% men, 53% women.” Forty percent of those surveyed admitted using sex toys in the bedroom, when 50% say they’re hoping to explore a long-standing sexual desire with their partners — soon. Thirty percent of the lovers prefer foreplay OVER actual intercourse; 30% prefer morning rather than midday or late-night for the deed; 61% have sex four times a week, (they say) and wish their sex lives were more active. Thank you, “OnePoll.” It sounds like exhausting work to me.
“It has everything to do with your brain — it’s your largest sexual organ.”
While we’re on the subject, the most common thoughts while doing it are: household chores that need to be done; what they’re having for their next meal; their favorite TV show; and some things that recently went on at work. All this from UK’s “Lovehoney,” by the way. Twenty-nine percent of men confessed to daydreaming about their favorite sports teams but only 11% of women admit they did that. Fifty three percent asked themselves, while going at it, “When will this be over?” … One expert recommends using sex toys to “get in the mood.” “Sex toys offer variations to sensations and stimulation…” “Particular types of sex toys can help inspire certain forms of sexual play, too, which may not have come to mind before.” Wonder what they are? Me-thinks you think too much, not William Shakespeare.
We’re not yet done here. Lovely brunette Emily Morse, now 53, with a doctorate in human sexuality, has a new book out called Smart Sex. You may already know the author from her podcast, “Sex with Emily.” “It has everything to do with your brain — it’s your largest sexual organ.” (For the record, her previous book was How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own your Pleasure.) Emily advises integrating your brain with your body, through understanding your sexual intelligence quotient — Sex IQ — then you’ll have the “hottest sex.” (Regular old IQ, from 70 to 130, we’re aware of. Sex IQ is different.) How? We need to understand our likes and dislikes, fantasies, and quirks, and note our identity — our bug-a-boo: “Pleasure Thieves: stress, shame and trauma-inducers that hamper our ability to find ‘euphoria’ in bed.
The big climax, Ms. Morse lists and brilliantly details, “The Five Pillars of Sexuality,” and they are: Embodiment, Healthy, Collaboration, Self-Knowledge, and Self-Acceptance, not necessarily in that order. A tease? You must read the book to comprehend these. It’s well worth a look.
GAY ALERT. Let’s include everyone here, Proceeding of the Royal Society Journal reports the deep ocean squid, “Octopoteuthis Deletron,” that swims in the Pacific Ocean, have been added to the list of species known to engage in same-sex behavior—joining bottlenose dolphins, bonobos, and 80% of insects. The squid lead solitary lives in the dark. When a male swims by another squid, “it gives reproduction a chance… and the behavior works,” biologist Marlene Zuk tells us, “or natural selection would have eradicated the behavior of the squid.” All of this was confirmed in The New York Times.
We’re all drowning in minutiae.
Books
Step into the literary world of Jim Fragale — a realm where every page unravels a tapestry of intricate narratives, deep insights, and captivating tales from Clarksburg, West Virginia to New York City. Spanning a diverse range of genres and themes, Jim's growing collection of seven standout books has something for every reader. Whether you're seeking pr…
Gracia tutti. Complimented.
I was working on the happiest man alive and didn't have room. (Now don't appropriate it.). I wish you the ultimate with your work, all of your works. As an old song, "...if you get it, won't you tell me how.." Check out the novels.