NEXT LEVEL — LIVING, LAUGHING, LOVING
Thrive!
David Brooks
My hero—cultural commentator, columnist, author, editor, on-air personality—and my favorite writer, David Brooks wrote in a recent New York Times Opinion outing, “My view of wisdom has changed over the years…I used to think the wise person was a lofty sage who doled out life-altering advice in the manner of Yoda or Dumbledore or Solomon. But now I think the wise person’s essential gift is tender receptivity…” who understands “… that our current selves are just where we are right now on our long continuum of growth.” He’s rarely, if ever, wrong.
p.s. to that, from Brooks, "Americans increasingly use polls to vent, not vote...none of us know what the political climate will be like a year from now."
Food, Glorious Food. For Real, This Time
I come from a second-generation, middle-class Italian family that immigrated to a small West Virginia town where both grandfathers worked the coal mines. Conveniently, we all lived within walking distance of one another. On any given evening, if I didn’t like what my mother prepared for dinner, I could go to my paternal grandmother’s, or my maternal grandmother’s, or my Aunt Mary’s to eat. (Her son Johnny went on to run a restaurant; my middle brother Peter did also. It’s in the genes). Why, in 1999, my hometown, Clarksburg, WV was elaborately featured in the Food-Dining section of The New York Times touting our great chow and superb restaurants—all run by folks from Calabria who had brought along their original compadre/paesano/cugina recipes. The article was re-written, updated, and ran again in 2009.
I’ve never been known for astute planning ahead but over the years I was wise enough to collect my mother Louise’s original Italian recipes. Then I included them in my second novel, F.U.! (Follow Up!). To this day, that book outsells, outranks, outshines everything else I’ve done—my other novels, my 17 SUBSTACK articles, my “Huffington Post” and “Thrive Global” blogs—because of those far-sightedly saved recipes. Thank you, Mama. But…
Why am I telling you all this? After 2022, I, who have always been cautious about my weight, found myself with a protruding, “pandemic belly.” Nothing I did would make it go away. By accident one day, I skipped lunch, went to the health club, had a coffee, and worked out…all without feeling any worse for wear, tear, or wherewithal. From that day on, I’ve skipped lunch, and subsequently, lost that belly. Folks noticed: the Greek woman who sweeps up the hair on the barber shop floor, “You lost-a lots-a weight.” The Korean laundress down the block, gestured, conveying in broken English, “You look…” as she pounded her stomach. I’m neither a dietician nor medical doctor, so I’m not recommending this discipline for you. It worked for me, and I’m grateful. And I confess, I long for lasagna with oversized meatballs, extra sauce, mounds of Parmesan-Romano cheese, with warm fresh from-the-oven “Tomorrow’s Bakery” garlic bread. And afterward, a hunk of ricotta cheesecake without the strawberries. What the hell, with the strawberries. The term for piggy eater in Italian is Porco, in dialect, Lupa.
The Only Diet You’ll Ever Need
To get serious for a moment. The world’s most famous diet is the Mediterranean Diet — rich in antioxidants, consisting of fresh produce, lean proteins, and olive oil. Formulated in the early 1960s from Mediterranean cuisine—the actual food of Italy, Greece, Spain, France, Middle East and North Africa. Maybe they know something we don’t.
Some studies have shown that this diet slows down the brain’s aging by nearly nine months compared with its chronological age. People in one study shed about 5 pounds and for every 1% of body weight lost—the participants’ brains appeared almost nine months younger. Other researchers claimed that women have nearly a 25% lower chance of heart disease and early death. In France, another survey showed that the women tested had lower risks of skin cancer than those who were not on the diet. Today, new diets and food fads pop up faster than the notes in Gershon Kingley’s hit song, “Pop Corn.” The Mediterranean Diet has been around more than sixty years. So, maybe... But I’m more curious to know how they determine those stats.
ENOUGH ABOUT FOOD. HOLD ON FOR THE SEX LATER.
Gatsby Never Goes Away - F. Scott Fitzgerald Got It Wrong
Sometime between 1925 and 1935, F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote that “the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” In the early 2020s, authors Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross in their book “Your Brain on Art,” quoted some research that clearly contradicts F.S.F: “…the human brain isn’t actually capable of doing multiple things at once. The human brain never multitasks…Our brain is actually toggling quickly between tasks,” as written.
I bring this up because I remember some 1970s Human Potential seminar leader said, “You can’t hold two thoughts in your brain at the same time.” Perversely, I’ve been trying to do that ever since. Now I am thoroughly convinced I can stop trying. It gave me a headache. p.s. Computers can this for us. Why bother?
Flash forward, Fall, 2023: Fitzgerald’s classic novel, The Great Gatsby, (Public Domain? (Yes. I asked, Hey, Siri, is The Great Gatsby in public domain?) Gatsby became a musical that played at the Paper Mill Playhouse, Milburn, N. J. In the new musical version, Cousin Nick Carraway is no longer a neutral narrator mining his memories. He’s now a morally upright man who condemns the gonifs (Yiddish, look it up,) both Gatsby’s pursuit of Daisy and the bad behavior of other characters who indulge in whiskey and sex. Why, at one point, this new Nick sings about wanting to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. One reviewer called the contemporary Gatsby Musical “bewitching.” I’m more concerned with what Fitzgerald would called it?
The World’s Happiest Man - Matthieu Ricard
Certifiably Happy. His brain was actually scanned. I found this hard to resist. Advance word came from The New York Times there was a Q&A with the World’s Happiest Man, Matthieu Richard,” by their invariably fascinating, “Talk” columnist David Marchese. I couldn’t wait.
I read it and to tell the truth, I was disappointed. (When will I ever learn?) The popular 1970s human potential movement’s est program kept loudly reminding us: “There’s Nothing Out There!”
Matthieu Ricard is an ordained Buddhist monk and an internationally best-selling author. His books concern themselves with a) altruism, b) animal rights, c) happiness and d) wisdom. His humanitarian work led to France awarding him the French National Order of Merit. He was the Dalai Lama’s French interpreter; he holds a Ph.D. in cellular genetics; and he’s certifiably happy. These days his primary residence is a Nepalese monastery. His mind was mined here for Q&A.
But first, The Proof: *In the early 2000s, researchers at the University of Wisconsin found that Mr. Matthieu Ricard’s brain produced gamma waves—which have been linked to learning, attention, and memory—at such a pronounced level that the media then named him “the world’s happiest man.”
So, there you have it, and you now know what a sucker I am for these kinds of things. I further confess, I ain’t so fond of Q & A, but here’s what I could extract without being sued by The New York Times and savvy David Marchese.
To begin, Marchese admitted right off he had to learn to tame his mind. Lucky him. (I don’t believe it. How does one do that?)
Q: Will the little annoying, petty stuff ever go away?
A: “Can you give us the three secrets of happiness?” … “First, there’s no secret. Second, there’s not just three points. Third, it takes a whole life, but it is the most worthy thing you can do…. I’m happy to feel I am on the right track. I cannot imagine feeling hate or wanting someone to suffer.”
Q: I can easily imagine wanting certain people to suffer.
A: “When we speak of compassion, you want everybody to find happiness…You cannot just do that for those who are good to you or close to you. It has to be universal… You can wish that the cruelty, the indifference, the greed may disappear from these people’s minds. That’s compassion; that’s being impartial.”
Q: For a while now, people have been calling you the world’s happiest man. Do you feel that happy?
A: We cannot know the level of happiness through neuroscience…I enjoy every moment of life, but of course there are moments of extreme sadness — especially when you see so much suffering. But this should kindle your compassion, and if it kindles your compassion, you go to a stronger, healthier, more meaningful way of being. That’s what I call happiness. It’s not as if all the time you jump for joy. Happiness is more like your baseline. It’s where you come to after the ups and downs, the joy, and sorrows. We perceive even more intensely — bad taste, seeing someone suffer — but we keep this sense of the depth. That’s what meditation brings…happiness is a skill. It can be deeper, more present in your mental landscape. We deal with our mind from morning to evening, but we spend very little attention on improving the way we translate outer conditions, good or bad, into happiness or misery. And it’s crucial because that’s what determines our day-to-day experience of the world!”
Q: Is there a thought that you can suggest to people that they can carry in their minds that might be helpful to them as they go through life’s challenges?
A: “…cultivate that quality of human warmth, wanting genuinely for other people to be happy; that’s the best way to fulfill your own happiness… also the most gratifying state of mind. Those guys who believe in selfishness and say, ‘You do that because you feel good about it’— this is so stupid. Because if you help others but you don’t care a damn, then you won’t feel anything! Wanting to separate doing something for others from feeling good yourself is like trying to make a flame that burns with light but no warmth. If we try humbly, with some happiness, to enhance our benevolence, that will be the best way to have a good life.”
From David Marchese’s August 2023 New York Times article, “The World’s Happiest Man”.
FOOTNOTES from Ricard: Two Books:
Matthieu Ricard’s father was the philosopher and writer Jean-François Revel. Father and son collaborated on the 1997 book, The Monk and the Philosopher, (Schocken Books) which consisted of a dialogue between the two on various philosophical, spiritual, and political themes.
Ricard’s forthcoming memoir is called, Notebooks of a Wandering Monk, (MIT Press). (I will buy it and read it. I need to know more.)
Edgar Cayce – Who Is He? Worth A Perusal
When I was a teenager, curious about everything, I stumbled onto an oddball personality named Edgar Cayce. He knocked me out. I read everything I could find on him. These days, not many people know who he was, at least the folks I run into. It’s worth a look.
Edgar Cayce was an American clairvoyant who claimed to speak from his higher self while in a trance. It is important (imperative!) to note he lived between 1877 and 1945. In an altered state, Cayce would supposedly answer questions on a variety of subjects: healing, reincarnation, dreams, the afterlife, past lives, nutrition, Atlantis, and offhandedly predicted future events. Cayce insisted he directed his readings centered around health. The remedies reportedly channeled often involved electrotherapy, ultraviolet light diet, massage, less mental work, and more relaxation.” (Weird, I suspect, back then.)
Most of his life, he was plagued by money problems but would not accept money for his “work.” He kept saying he wanted to help others, especially children. Cayce, a devout Christian and Sunday school teacher, claimed that his readings came from his subconscious mind exploring the dream realm, where he said “all minds were timelessly connected.” (Universal Mind? Or is that something else?)
He was documented and his words recorded. We can assume he had some loud and vociferous detractors at that time.
Personally, rarely out of the red, and yet Cayce later founded a non-profit organization for others, the Association for Research and Enlightenment, to record and facilitate the study of his “channeling” and to run a hospital.
Over time, Cayce’s readings increasingly had occult and/or mystifying themes. He was dubbed, “The Sleeping Prophet.” (There’s a book out there with that same title, Batham Books). Later, multiple human potential advocates considered Cayce the founder and principal source of the 1970s New-Age movement. (Ahead of his time?)
When one student asked Cayce how to become a psychic. In an altered state, he supposedly told a study group: “…the purpose of life is not to become a psychic, but to become a more spiritually aware and loving person.”
If you’re not curious by now, you’ve lost your mojo, or maybe never had one. As for me, I’m not sure what to think about this unorthodox, but fascinating clairvoyant anymore.
Brain, The
I usually find myself reading several books at the same time. One I carry in my gym bag in case I jump on the bus and need to wisely use the time. My most recent travel companion is aforementioned, “Your Brain on Art, How the Arts Transforms Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross, (Random House). I don’t think I’ve ever held a book in my hands that had so many research and cases studies; it’s reassuring; it makes one trust them. Not the point, though.
In the book, I ran across a concept I’d never heard before. As I’m chugging up Broadway on the MTA’s Number Five train, I read: “…the human brain craves novelty and surprise to flourish… sometimes it gets bored. … we need to get outside the normal and be wowed….” The idea that the brain might get bored knocked me out. It opened an ocean of possibilities for fresh concepts to pursue. Hmmm. How to keep your brain from getting bored; how to keep your brain interested…new to me and fascinating.
Bet your top dollar or your Apple stock, someone will write a book called, “HOW. TO. KEEP. YOUR. BRAIN. FROM. GETTING BORED.” Do you suppose A.I. has any theories? Perhaps too much time on our hands? Lost our mojo? …. Read a book. Write a poem. Bake a cake. Debate Climate Change.
No! Answers! Answers! We want answers!
SEX – A Gratuitous Sex Item
From: “8 Sex Myths That Experts Wish Would Go Away”. Catherine Pearson’s New York Times Wellness column, dated, October 15, 2023. I trust she won’t mind if I appropriate two of the myths from her October 15, 2023 article.
Myth 2: Sex means penetration
Sex therapists often lament that people get caught up in certain “sexual scripts,” or the idea that sex should unfold in a particular way — typically, a bit of foreplay that leads to intercourse.
But “we need to move beyond defining sex by a single behavior,” said Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and author of “She Comes First.” He noted that this type of narrow thinking has contributed to the longstanding pleasure gap between men and women in heterosexual encounters. For example, a study found that 75 percent of heterosexual men said they orgasmed every time they had been sexually intimate within the past month, compared with 33 percent of heterosexual women.Myth 8: Your penis doesn’t stack up. OOOPS!
Men are under a certain amount of pressure when it comes to how their penises look or function, Dr. Ian Kerner said. Younger men, he said, believe they shouldn’t have erectile dysfunction, while older men get the message that premature ejaculation is something they grow out of with age and experience.
The data tells a different story. Though erectile dysfunction — which is defined as a consistent inability to achieve or maintain an erection, not just occasional erection issues — does tend to increase with age, it also affects an estimated 8 percent of men in their 20s and 11 percent of those in their 30s. And 20 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 59 report experiencing premature ejaculation.“We don’t have a little blue pill to make premature ejaculation go away, so we’re not having the same cultural conversation as we are with erectile dysfunction,” Dr. Kerner went on “We’re just left with the myths that guys with premature ejaculation are bad in bed, or sexually selfish.
Likewise, studies show that many men — gay & straight — worry that their penises do not measure up, even though many partners say they do not prefer an especially large penis.” (I’m quick to add, of course, not thee or thou.) “Partnered sex is complex,” Kerner added. “It involves touching, tuning in, connecting, communicating.”
What A Difference!
My favorite line in a popular tune…
“It’s heaven when you find romance on your menu…”
-Dinah Washington.
Friends give me a hard time and “hot” mixed tapes. But I favor Popular American Standards. John Lennon once said his favorite song is “The Very Thought of You.” Mine, too! None of my buds are aware of my favorites, “More Than You Know” and “My Funny Valentine” or “Cry Me A River,” plus “The More I See You,” not to mention “Someone to Watch Over Me.” Wrap here, keep your rap. I’m sticking with Popular American Standards.
“Old! We Hate Old!”
Mel Brooks made fun of an irritating aging gent, Professor Lilloman (little old man, get it?), in his 1977 feature film High Anxiety who moves like a turtle, mumbles constantly, and annoyingly shuffles along. Hilarious back then, not so amusing today.
With all this talk about aging lately—Biden, Trump, Feinstein, McConnell, and me—it’s hard to ignore.
Let me tell you about a great, old friend, Mary Ann Madden. When I was new to New York and much younger, I had dinner regularly with a hip, funny, divorcee-about-town, Mary Ann Madden (her maiden name was Dolby). She knew everyone, had been everywhere, and was once Mike Nichols’s secretary.
During dinner, she frequently tossed off this a tiresome expression, “Old! We Hate Old!” — again, laughable back then; not so clever now. Before moving on, let me add that she was later she was snagged for a boffo job at New York Magazine. And then, for three decades, she challenged readers to come up with double dactyls, literary limericks, cringing puns, and dexterous spoonerisms in a weekly competition that foreshadowed hashtag games on Twitter. M.A.M. (Dolby) enjoyed a long run, then had a stroke and passed in 2016 at 83. These days young women seem to have other concerns than being good company. Or am I meeting the wrong ones?
Aging Continued: New Book Out of Stockholm
The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly, (Simon & Schuster) by 86-year-old Margareta Magnusson, tells us:
As you age, it’s easy to be frustrated and complain. So, “There seems to be no other choice than to see every nuisance as something that I must find a way to cherish.
Surround yourself with the young. Being around young people… they supply fresh ideas and perspectives... [merely] hearing about their plans and prospects…is a way to stay in tune with the young person you were at some point… They ignite your brain. (I interject; AHA! A brain tweak.) “…Socializing with younger people can boost cognitive functioning.”
Whenever possible, say YES. Saying yes as often as you can is in effect saying yes to life—being curious and exploratory, being part of community… Give it a try, whatever it is.” The Swedes are more like us than we thought. It appears so for an Octogenarian. What’s more interesting to me is that well fixed folks there, even millionaires, can’t afford to buy real estate. The majority of Swedes are forced to be renters.
For now, I recommend: Two New York Times articles, “It’s No Joke, Old Age, October 1, 2023, by Roger Rosenblatt; another, “Aging Leaders Raise A Tough Question: How Old Is Too Old?” by Lisa Lerer and Reid J. Epstein.
Another book to consider: Keep Your Wits About You: The Science of Brain Maintenance as You Age, by Vonetta. M. Dotson. Published by American Psychological Association.
What’s It All About, Ruthie?
Decades back, I recall being shocked when I heard former sex therapist, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, now 95, answering questions on television—intermittently, offhandedly, repeatedly – volleying back a question with a question, “Is the penis in the vagina?” Today, she wants to be known simply as a “therapist,” Dr. Ruth now addresses a new problem in the United States, “The Pain of Lovelessness.” You’ve come a long way, baby.
Writers? A Puzzlement
A quote and some insight on writers in case you run into one from Anne Lamott’s brilliant best-seller Bird By Bird, (Anchor Books), “My writer friends, and they are legion, do not go around beaming with quiet feelings of contentment. Most of them go around with haunted, abused, surprised looks on their faces, like lab dogs on whom very personal deodorant sprays have been tested.” (That explains everything.)
Next month…
I will address, if I muster up the strength, Josh Sapan’s The Third Act: Reinventing Your Next Chapter, (Princeton’s Architectural Press), about life after 60 where Sapan takes a hard look at how some others do it: Jane Fonda, Alan Alda, Norman Leer, Robert Redford.
Wrap rap: In my opening, I tweaked TV evangelist Joel Osteen’s book, intriguing enough, Next Level Thinking. I suspect he might have better served his followers on how to get TO the next level instead of merely thinking about it.
Batty? I’m invariably intrigued by offbeat book titles. A batty, yet groovy one I like but haven’t read and maybe never will: Elvis is Dead, and I Don't Feel So Good Myself (University of Georgia Press), by Lewis Grizzard. The author is dead so I can’t ask him what possessed him. I should read to book to find out.
Sniglet: When I leave someone’s company these days, I no longer say So long, or Good-bye. I now pray a sincere, “Stay Safe…Stay Safe, Stay Safe.” You, too.
Books
Step into the literary world of Jim Fragale — a realm where every page unravels a tapestry of intricate narratives, deep insights, and captivating tales from Clarksburg, West Virginia to New York City. Spanning a diverse range of genres and themes, Jim's growing collection of seven standout books has something for every reader. Whether you're seeking pr…
Great post Jim! Not sure why you ever left WV with all of that delicious food at your fingertips to come to NYC! :)